How Do You Detach Yourself from a Surrogacy Journey?
Is there a name for this: trying to detach yourself from the family that you just had a baby for even through this is your…
Category: Voices of Gestational Carriers
Blog posts written by Gestational Carriers
You Never Know What Someone is Going Through
You never know what someone is going through. Isn’t that the truth? Sometimes it’s the kindest, most beautiful positive personality in the room who is…
What Surrogacy Means to Me
After a long night of labor and a herculean push I became a mother. The joy that I felt after they placed my child on…
The Emotional Roller Coaster that is the Legal Agreement
I knew nothing about the intricacies of surrogacy, other than if everything went well, I would be carrying the baby of my friends. Admittedly naive, I jumped at…
A Supportive “Village” is Important During Surrogacy
After becoming interested in carrying for another family as a gestational surrogate, I threw myself down the rabbit hole pretty quickly. I dove into research…
My Independent vs. Agency-Managed Surrogacy Journeys
Q&A with Katie Mascis 4 Time Surrogate (3x Independent 1x Agency Managed) Independent vs Agency-Managed Surrogacy 1. How did you find out about the IPs…
The Importance of Having a Support System During Your Surrogacy Journey
By Crystal Latorella The importance of having a support system as a surrogate is crucial. During my first surrogacy, I was matched with a wonderful…
How My Christian Faith Impacted My Surrogacy Story
Tiffany Jo Baker, 3x Surrogate “It was Father’s Day weekend—the perfect weekend for a child to be born.” I was recovering from a C-section with…
Celebrating Pregnancy Milestones With My Intended Parents
*Before I tell my surrogacy journey, I want to start off by saying that sometimes I say “we” when talking about doing certain things. In…
The families have moved on with their lives. They have their precious baby/babies, they are immersed in this new phase of raising the baby and the last thing on their mind is checking in with you and seeing how you are doing. Of course, they are not heartless and they will show their appreciation and voice their appreciation once the baby arrives. Yet nobody realizes and maybe it's not shared enough via surrogates themselves that we feel down after the birth. Not everyone, but some. You feel down, not blue, just down. With my first journey in 2016 I was very down. Not depressed, just down. I didn't know why. You know you are still a hot mess with all those hormones and changes your body is going through. You're dealing with breastmilk or sore breasts if you decide to pump for the baby etc. In order to snap out of that I booked a lovely trip for myself and my daughters and just focused on me and spoiling me. It really helped to get over it and get on with it.
The previous IPs wanted me to breastfeed the babies. Yes breastfeed, not pump but breastfeed right away. Your agency will likely tell you DO NOT breastfeed but whatever you and your IPs decide is whats best. I did pump for a few weeks after the birth and when they left the country, I stopped pumping. My final journey, the couple were eager to be out of the hospital and go home. They had to stay an extra 2 nights because the baby had slight jaundice but I had already gone home by then. They left the hospital, and they did stop by my house to say goodbye but it felt rushed, I felt sad. I was not mentally prepared for it.
I am not bitter, I assure you. I have done this before, four times and I know in time this feeling will pass as it has done before. I am not sad, these are just thoughts I have and I am so sure there are many, many other surrogates that feel the same way after a surrogate journey ends. These are all valid thoughts and feelings. In essence, I do feel that after four journeys, surrogacy is not all sweet-smelling flowers in a beautiful open field with unicorns and rainbows everywhere. It is hard, man. It is emotionally draining, it changes you as a person. It is something that affects your spirit on a level that only another surrogate can fully comprehend. The money does not and never will compensate surrogates for carrying someone else' baby because people can never know what we go through emotionally, physically, and mentally. In my experience, there are many surrogates that I know of that had really bad experiences, health complications, IPs that didn't mesh, IPs that were not supportive, IPs that just refuse to have contact after the baby is born even after they promised you were like "family" to them. People fail you and nobody is perfect but where does that leave the surrogate who sacrificed so much to complete strangers?
I am so thankful for the amazing, wonderful IPs I have had, all of whom keep in touch with me and message me every so often with pictures of the babies and have promises to visit me when the babies are older. If they do not, that is okay too. I so treasure the friendship and the bond I have formed with the IPs for all 4 babies. So again I say, is there a name/term for trying to detach yourself from the IPs?
I often wonder if I feel this way and my IPs were always amazing to me, can you imagine what other surrogates go through? The surrogates who have parted ways after birth with IPs on a not so amicable level for whatever reason. We deserve sainthood, for real. You did your best. You are amazing and even if you were not made to feel appreciated in whatever part of your journey, you are AMAZING! You are one in a million and you are loved. It takes a very special woman to be a surrogate and thats you - you are special.