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The Biggest Ask Forums For Surrogates How do you get to know your IPs in the early days?

  • How do you get to know your IPs in the early days?

    Posted by Aostoff on August 2, 2022 at 2:29 pm

    I am in the early days after the match call and I am curious what questions or things others did to get to know their IPs better in those early days? We love for things to happen organically, of course, but also its kind of like dating – you have to have some ice breakers, get the convo going, and show each other what you’re comfortable with communication-wise. Just wanted to hear some others ideas!

    Aostoff replied 1 year, 6 months ago 4 Members · 4 Replies
  • 4 Replies
  • RachEliz

    August 2, 2022 at 3:07 pm

    Early on we did some texting (about surrogacy and general life updates), then social media following, and phone calls. We were lucky to have some in-person time during medical clearance and after transfer, which was really lovely and a great way to break the ice. I am introverted, so I wasn’t necessarily looking forward to building a relationship (the process of it), but I WANTED to, if that makes sense. I knew, for me, surrogacy would be better with IPs who wanted to develop trust and camaraderie instead of thinking of it as strictly transactional. Fortunately our match is on the same page! (And it’s okay that others seek out different surrogate relationships, of course). At this stage (post transfer, + betas, pre-ultrasound), IM & I text daily and talk a couple times a week, much of it about the surrogacy process and some of it about family/life/work. I’m sure that pattern will change as the weeks go on. As I’ve wondered about potential future journeys I can’t help but feel like my IPs are a once-in-a-lifetime match… it will never be this easy/natural again ????

    • MJC

      August 2, 2022 at 3:20 pm

      @RachEliz that’s awesome to hear! When you guys talk, do you talk on the phone or in person? I am an IP, but I felt the same way for both of my surrogacy journeys re: once in a lifetime match. With our first surrogate, Jennifer, we would text multiple times a day. Mostly her giving me updates on her life, etc. I loved it. Then on this journey, Lauren is more introverted and still texts every day to tell me things are good, but not as much as Jennifer did. And I love it, too! It’s so funny how different journeys still feel like the perfect one and it would be impossible to ever find another great match.

      Congrats on your + betas!

  • Jill

    August 4, 2022 at 3:17 am

    We follow each other of social media and comment and dm about alot of our posts/stories to know each other better, I generally only talk to the IM, the IF is more introverted I feel.

    It’s developing very naturally.

    • Aostoff

      August 5, 2022 at 11:38 pm

      Same! I agree that seeing and getting to know one another by posts and stories, etc can be so helpful in the early days before the conversation really gets going!

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