The Biggest Ask Forums

Find answers, ask questions, and connect with other surrogates or intended parents across the USA. Register to contribute at https://thebiggestask.com/register/.

×

YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE!


The Biggest Ask forum will be carefully monitored by admin. Users may be asked to re phrase their comments or questions if it comes across as insensitive or harsh. You must be signed in to contribute. Click here to register.

There are two major rules enforced:

  1. Be respectful
    Our aim is to be a place where intended parents and surrogates can get unbiased information about surrogacy in peace. Please refrain from judging others or criticising their choices. Our admin will follow closely and delete any disrespectful comments.
  2. Respect each other's privacy
    Being part of this community requires mutual trust. Authentic and honest discussions will make this forum amazing, but many things said might be private and sensitive.

What's shared here should stay here.

How the Forum works:

  1. Users can earn points:
    • 5 points for starting a conversation that is relevant to surrogacy (limited to one question a day users can ask more questions but they just get 5 points for one)
    • Awarding 5 points for answering a question AND getting a "like". Every additional "like" the person gets earns them 1 additional point.
    • Every week, all users are awarded 5 likes to distribute as they choose. The likes don't roll over so it's just 5 likes a week that they can distribute.
  2. Once a user earns 100 points, we get notified and you'll receive a $100 amazon gift card.
  3. Getting a certain number of points will get you the rank of "experienced surrogate" or "experienced intended parent".

Close

The Biggest Ask Forums For Surrogates Independent journey questions

  • Independent journey questions

    Posted by Devin on November 17, 2022 at 12:43 am

    I’ve just recently started chatting with IP’s to hopefully go on an independent journey. What are some important questions that you asked in the early stages of getting to know them?

    Once you make your decision, How do you tell the other families you have matched with other families? I’m nervous and it hurts my heart.

    Aostoff replied 10 months, 1 week ago 3 Members · 2 Replies
  • 2 Replies
  • MJC

    Administrator
    November 18, 2022 at 2:32 am

    I think it’s so wonderful that you are thinking about doing an independent journey! I think the first thing i would want to make sure of is whether the intended parents are aware of all the different things and costs that go into a surrogacy journey. Many intended parents have a rude awakening of just all of the extras that go into surrogacy and I would want to make sure that they didn’t expect you to cover for anything.

    In terms of telling other families – I know that must be so stressful. I think many intended parents will understand as long as you are as direct and honest with them asap.

  • Aostoff

    Moderator
    November 18, 2022 at 2:46 am

    I think some of the most important questions to ask in the early phases of matching (whether independent or not) would be:

    -What (if any) are their birthing preferences?

    -What range they feel comfortable in for base compensation, or if they are comfortable with your preferred compensation?

    -Are they comfortable with your fee schedule preferences?

    -Do they have embryos created – are they tested(if that matters to you)?

    -What fertility clinic are they working with?

    -What are their termination preferences/views? Do they match up with yours?

    -What type of relationship are they looking to have with their surrogate?

    -What level of communication are they comfortable having with their surrogate?

    -Are they comfortable with you sharing about them/the journey on social media (if that is important to you)?

    As far as telling other IPs that you have chosen to match with someone else – I think it is best to just be honest with them. Thank them for their time and for sharing their story with you, but let them know that you have found a match that you feel really good about, and that you wish them nothing but the best in finding their perfect surro! I think they will take it a lot better than you think. It’s just never an easy thing to do. But we are always here to support you!

    Sending you the best of luck in your indy search!!!! <3