The Biggest Ask Forums

Find answers, ask questions, and connect with other surrogates or intended parents across the USA. Register to contribute at

The Biggest Ask Forums For Surrogates Independent journey questions

  • Independent journey questions

    Posted by Devin on November 17, 2022 at 12:43 am

    I’ve just recently started chatting with IP’s to hopefully go on an independent journey. What are some important questions that you asked in the early stages of getting to know them?

    Once you make your decision, How do you tell the other families you have matched with other families? I’m nervous and it hurts my heart.

    Aostoff replied 1 week, 5 days ago 3 Members · 2 Replies
  • 2 Replies
  • MJC

    November 18, 2022 at 2:32 am

    I think it’s so wonderful that you are thinking about doing an independent journey! I think the first thing i would want to make sure of is whether the intended parents are aware of all the different things and costs that go into a surrogacy journey. Many intended parents have a rude awakening of just all of the extras that go into surrogacy and I would want to make sure that they didn’t expect you to cover for anything.

    In terms of telling other families – I know that must be so stressful. I think many intended parents will understand as long as you are as direct and honest with them asap.

  • Aostoff

    November 18, 2022 at 2:46 am

    I think some of the most important questions to ask in the early phases of matching (whether independent or not) would be:

    -What (if any) are their birthing preferences?

    -What range they feel comfortable in for base compensation, or if they are comfortable with your preferred compensation?

    -Are they comfortable with your fee schedule preferences?

    -Do they have embryos created – are they tested(if that matters to you)?

    -What fertility clinic are they working with?

    -What are their termination preferences/views? Do they match up with yours?

    -What type of relationship are they looking to have with their surrogate?

    -What level of communication are they comfortable having with their surrogate?

    -Are they comfortable with you sharing about them/the journey on social media (if that is important to you)?

    As far as telling other IPs that you have chosen to match with someone else – I think it is best to just be honest with them. Thank them for their time and for sharing their story with you, but let them know that you have found a match that you feel really good about, and that you wish them nothing but the best in finding their perfect surro! I think they will take it a lot better than you think. It’s just never an easy thing to do. But we are always here to support you!

    Sending you the best of luck in your indy search!!!! <3