The Biggest Ask Forums

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How the Forum works:

  1. Users can earn points:
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The Biggest Ask Forums For Intended Parents Social Media Shy IP’s

  • Social Media Shy IP’s

    Posted by Danielle on July 5, 2022 at 7:43 pm

    Hi all, we are starting our surrogacy journey after several miscarriages and no known reason why (tested embryos, clear uterus, no endo or PCOS and 2 different clinics/several cycles of IVF with different protocols and batches of embryos). Both my husband and I are social media shy. Neither of us are on Facebook and I have an instagram that I use mainly to post pictures of my dog and to follow other infertility and surrogacy accounts. We are signed with an agency who I like and trust, but my fear/question is that because we are social media shy, I don’t run an infertility account with thousands of followers, etc., that our wait for a match will be much longer. it seems easier for people who have large followings to get matched since they can connect with surrogates themselves or if not, they may have a follower who knows someone who is a good match for them. We are not private with our infertility, our friends and family know, but that’s different than running a public facing account. Should we get over or shyness to find a good match or is it okay to sit back and wait for our agency to work it’s magic? Is it just a fact of life that people with wider, more public networks and reaches will match faster than those of us who are just aren’t into social media in that way? I’m more worried in the wake of new laws that might make surrogacy even harder with our choices and those of our surrogate being limited depending on what state she happens to live in. Anyone else feel overwhelmed and like we may never match if we aren’t constantly running an ad for ourselves all over the internet?

    Danielle replied 1 year, 7 months ago 3 Members · 4 Replies
  • 4 Replies
  • Aostoff

    July 7, 2022 at 9:18 pm

    Hi Danielle!! Thanks so much for sharing a little of your story and your fears! As a surrogate myself, I don’t think you have to do anything you’re uncomfortable with in order to go through a surrogacy journey. You still have chances of finding a surrogate through your agency, it may take more time than if you did do posts on social media and branched out your search, but it’s absolutely not impossible. And we are hear to support you! <3

    • Danielle

      July 12, 2022 at 7:54 pm

      Thank you so much for your response. It’s good to hear that from an agency. It’s hard not to want to do everything we possibly can to find a surrogate as quickly as possible, but I have to realize that I can’t force anything. If we are uncomfortable with certain methods I just need to be okay with that and okay with what could or could not be a long match time. Thanks again. I’m going to try and join some support calls and start participating more so I can learn as much as I can!

  • MJC

    July 7, 2022 at 9:32 pm

    @Danielle I think agencies exist because so many people are shy about their struggle – so you are absolutely not alone. The thing about using agencies to find surrogates is that it’s not the most efficient because each agency is constrained by their own network. It’s the most frustrating part of the whole process. I would think of this as a tradeoff – this is YOUR journey. You must do what makes you feel more comfortable. All choices come with trade-offs and maybe having to wait a bit longer for your match is the one that comes along with not going public (and that’s a maybe because you are never guaranteed a surrogate even if you are going public). And thats 100% okay! And to be honest, the norm!

    • Danielle

      July 12, 2022 at 8:00 pm

      Thank you so much for your response. I think I realized that for us, we are okay with certain social media posts from our agency or from organized accounts like yours, but not as comfortable with creating out own surrogacy account or tiktok. We have to be okay with not having as wide a net as someone with thousands of followers may have, but we also don’t have to deal with anonymous trolls or strangers giving unsolicited “advice” at best or spewing hate at most. Our level of exposure comes with pluses and minuses including our comfort level being honored, but a possibly longer lead time (on top of the difficulty overturning Roe will cause….sigh). But I know we have to be okay with what we do and I think sharing our story in more controlled ways through our agency, becoming a little more active in places like this and more organized accounts, and not on our own is the way to go for us. Thank you, again!

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