Reply To: Feeling Stressed

[Tandy]

First of all, congrats on getting to the halfway point! That’s such a big deal. You are doing such an amazing thing for this family.

Second, I relate to this so strongly. I had such a great relationship with my surrogacy coordinator (still do, she’s great!), but I absolutely didn’t know what questions to ask and wish I would have received a bit more guidance. I didn’t know what I didn’t know, so I didn’t know how to advocate for myself. She was an amazing resource, but I felt like I didn’t have all the pieces to the puzzle. Looking ahead into my second surrogacy journey (same IFs) in the upcoming year or two, there are definitely things that I am going to request in my contract to help set up myself and my family to be better supported. I also felt bad requesting things that seemed extravagant (like a cleaning service for my 3rd trimester!!) at the time of legal review, but looking back on it, that would have really been a huge benefit to me and my family.

I also understand the feeling of hesitance around mentioning to your IPs that you’re feeling stressed. My IPs have been through so much loss that I didn’t feel that my negative feelings had any space in the relationship. This was totally on me, as they were absolutely amazing and asked me how I was feeling and how they could support me every step of the way. I hope that I can let that go and open up a bit more about my feelings during my next journey with them so that we can all be on the same page and supporting each other throughout the pregnancy.

ALL that to say, we’re here to support you however we can. I’m so sorry that this journey hasn’t been smooth sailing for you. You are absolutely not alone in your feelings and experiences.

Like 2

[Tandy]

First of all, congrats on getting to the halfway point! That’s such a big deal. You are doing such an amazing thing for this family.

Second, I relate to this so strongly. I had such a great relationship with my surrogacy coordinator (still do, she’s great!), but I absolutely didn’t know what questions to ask and wish I would have received a bit more guidance. I didn’t know what I didn’t know, so I didn’t know how to advocate for myself. She was an amazing resource, but I felt like I didn’t have all the pieces to the puzzle. Looking ahead into my second surrogacy journey (same IFs) in the upcoming year or two, there are definitely things that I am going to request in my contract to help set up myself and my family to be better supported. I also felt bad requesting things that seemed extravagant (like a cleaning service for my 3rd trimester!!) at the time of legal review, but looking back on it, that would have really been a huge benefit to me and my family.

I also understand the feeling of hesitance around mentioning to your IPs that you’re feeling stressed. My IPs have been through so much loss that I didn’t feel that my negative feelings had any space in the relationship. This was totally on me, as they were absolutely amazing and asked me how I was feeling and how they could support me every step of the way. I hope that I can let that go and open up a bit more about my feelings during my next journey with them so that we can all be on the same page and supporting each other throughout the pregnancy.

ALL that to say, we’re here to support you however we can. I’m so sorry that this journey hasn’t been smooth sailing for you. You are absolutely not alone in your feelings and experiences.

Like 2