The Biggest Ask Forums

Find answers, ask questions, and connect with other surrogates or intended parents across the USA. Register to contribute at



The Biggest Ask forum will be carefully monitored by admin. Users may be asked to re phrase their comments or questions if it comes across as insensitive or harsh. You must be signed in to contribute. Click here to register.

There are two major rules enforced:

  1. Be respectful
    Our aim is to be a place where intended parents and surrogates can get unbiased information about surrogacy in peace. Please refrain from judging others or criticising their choices. Our admin will follow closely and delete any disrespectful comments.
  2. Respect each other's privacy
    Being part of this community requires mutual trust. Authentic and honest discussions will make this forum amazing, but many things said might be private and sensitive.

What's shared here should stay here.

How the Forum works:

  1. Users can earn points:
    • 5 points for starting a conversation that is relevant to surrogacy (limited to one question a day users can ask more questions but they just get 5 points for one)
    • Awarding 5 points for answering a question AND getting a "like". Every additional "like" the person gets earns them 1 additional point.
    • Every week, all users are awarded 5 likes to distribute as they choose. The likes don't roll over so it's just 5 likes a week that they can distribute.
  2. Once a user earns 100 points, we get notified and you'll receive a $100 amazon gift card.
  3. Getting a certain number of points will get you the rank of "experienced surrogate" or "experienced intended parent".


The Biggest Ask Forums For Surrogates Feeling Stressed Reply To: Feeling Stressed

  • Tandy

    January 10, 2023 at 9:08 pm

    First of all, congrats on getting to the halfway point! That’s such a big deal. You are doing such an amazing thing for this family.

    Second, I relate to this so strongly. I had such a great relationship with my surrogacy coordinator (still do, she’s great!), but I absolutely didn’t know what questions to ask and wish I would have received a bit more guidance. I didn’t know what I didn’t know, so I didn’t know how to advocate for myself. She was an amazing resource, but I felt like I didn’t have all the pieces to the puzzle. Looking ahead into my second surrogacy journey (same IFs) in the upcoming year or two, there are definitely things that I am going to request in my contract to help set up myself and my family to be better supported. I also felt bad requesting things that seemed extravagant (like a cleaning service for my 3rd trimester!!) at the time of legal review, but looking back on it, that would have really been a huge benefit to me and my family.

    I also understand the feeling of hesitance around mentioning to your IPs that you’re feeling stressed. My IPs have been through so much loss that I didn’t feel that my negative feelings had any space in the relationship. This was totally on me, as they were absolutely amazing and asked me how I was feeling and how they could support me every step of the way. I hope that I can let that go and open up a bit more about my feelings during my next journey with them so that we can all be on the same page and supporting each other throughout the pregnancy.

    ALL that to say, we’re here to support you however we can. I’m so sorry that this journey hasn’t been smooth sailing for you. You are absolutely not alone in your feelings and experiences.