Surrogates – The Biggest Ask

Slide 1

Surrogates are amazing women.

Learn what it takes here.

Becoming a surrogate for another family is a very big decision. When you sign up with The Biggest Ask, you will have access to all the resources you will need to familiarize yourself with the surrogacy process – including all the requirements to become a surrogate and all the risks associated with surrogacy.

Start with Our Free Online Guide

"It's hard to put into words the feeling you get from helping another family come to life."

-Ashley Montez, experienced surrogate

Slide 1

Surrogates are amazing women.

Learn what it takes here.

Becoming a surrogate for another family is a very big decision. When you sign up with The Biggest Ask, you will have access to all the resources you will need to familiarize yourself with the surrogacy process – including all the requirements to become a surrogate and all the risks associated with surrogacy.

Becoming a surrogate for another family is a very big decision. When you sign up with The Biggest Ask, you will have access to all the resources you will need to familiarize yourself with the surrogacy process – including all the requirements to become a surrogate and all the risks associated with surrogacy.

Becoming a surrogate for another family is a very big decision. When you sign up with The Biggest Ask, you will have access to all the resources you will need to familiarize yourself with the surrogacy process – including all the requirements to become a surrogate and all the risks associated with surrogacy.

Start with Our Free Online Guide

"It's hard to put into words the feeling you get from helping another family come to life."

-Ashley Montez, experienced surrogate

What does The Biggest Ask offer to women who are

thinking about becoming a surrogate?

Empower yourself with knowledge to make the best decisions for yourself and connect with others who share your story

Surrogacy 101 Panel Discussion

Could you be a surrogate?

Learn what it takes in our panel discussion
led by experienced surrogates!

DEC 7H/2021

Follow us and stay connected!

Follow us on Instagram to stay connected and participate in live events with other surrogates!

Maggie and Sarah

Our Story As two women, we never imagined that we would find ourselves needing a surrogate but after 2.5 years of multiple failed at-home inseminations,

Ashley April 9, 2022

Meet some Intended Parents

Erika is a military wife, mama to two kids, and has done THREE surrogacy journeys!

Q: Tell us a bit about yourself! A: I am from California currently living in San Diego where my husband is stationed. I am married

Ashley March 30, 2022

Surrogate Stories

What Surrogacy Means to Me

After a long night of labor and a herculean push I became a mother. The joy that I felt after they placed my child on

Tara December 13, 2021

Voices of gestational carriers

Surrogate of the month

Seeing the look on the parent's faces as they
held their babies for the first time is an
absolute gift, they are moments
that I treasure.

Erika is a military wife, mama to two kids, and has done THREE surrogacy journeys; in 2018, 2020, and 2022.

@adventures_in_surrogacy

Follow us on Instagram and stay updated on our latest posts

thebiggestask

The 1976 agreement was for traditional surrogacy (

The 1976 agreement was for traditional surrogacy (gestational surrogacy wasn't born until 1985). His centers were established in California, Indiana, New York and Nevada. By the mid-1980’s, his surrogacy practice was grossing $600,000 a year.

#surrogacyknowledge #surrogacylaws #laws #lawschoollife #lawstudents #lawschool #surrogate #twodads #gestationalcarrier #kindness #bravotv #surrogacyjourney #fostercare #parentingtips #momlife #naturalbirth #surrogatemother #pregnantbelly #fostermom #militarywife #surrogacy #surrogacyjourney #surrogacyadventure #surrogacyislove #surrogacyisnotacrime #gestationalsurrogate #gestationalcarrier #surrogacysupport #surrogacyawareness #surrogacycommunity

Of course there are a lot of different characteris

Of course there are a lot of different characteristics that surrogates have - everyone is so different and has their own unique set of experiences when it comes to what led them to surrogacy. But, these are a few of the most common we have encountered.

Oftentimes, the women that become surrogates have loved being pregnant and had smooth pregnancies and deliveries, and they want to give back in some way. But there are also times when surrogacy has never even been on their mind until they hear a story about intended parents that hits them so hard that they decide they want to help in any way they can.

Whatever the reason that leads you to surrogacy, you're doing an amazing thing for someone and more often than not, it also adds so much more beauty and joy into your own life.

What led you to surrogacy? 👇

#surrogate #twodads #loveislove #gestationalcarrier #kindness #bravotv #surrogacyjourney #fostercare #parentingtips #momlife #naturalbirth #doulasupport #eggdonation #surrogacyislove #surrogatemother #pregnantbelly #fostermom #fosterparent #militarywife #militarywifelife #sahmlife #sahmlifestyle #nicunurse #surrogacy #surrogacyjourney #surrogacyadventure #surrogacyislove #surrogacyisnotacrime #gestationalsurrogate #gestationalcarrier

Confused on the difference between induced lactati

Confused on the difference between induced lactation and Dry Nursing? Use this post as as quick guide.

There is no right or wrong answer or way, this is just informative for those who are looking for options when their baby is born via surrogacy.

#surrogacy #surrogacyislove #menhavingbabies #singledad #lovemakesafamily #gayfamily #husbands #lgbtfamily #twodads #cancersurvivor #cancersurvivors #cancerwarrior #heartdisease #autoimmunewarrior #hysterectomy #hysterectomyrecovery #preeclampsia #infantloss #birthtrauma #stillbirth #pregnancyafterloss #stillborn #pregnancyloss #1in4 #miscarriagesurvivor #pregnancylossawareness #stillbornstillloved #babyloss

There are many different types of surrogacy relati

There are many different types of surrogacy relationships, we have talked with so many surrogates and intended parents who have all had different experiences. We want to be very clear that there is no right or wrong type of surrogacy relationship. It is all about what works for YOU.
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The only thing we stress the importance of is that you are very CLEAR, OPEN, & HONEST about the type of surrogacy relationship you are looking for, whether you are an intended parent or a surrogate. You want to make sure that your wants and values align with your surrogacy partner's in order to have a good, smooth, happy journey together. Communication is KEY in making sure that you all want the same thing in a journey.❤️
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What type of journey did you have? How did you communicate those preferences?👇
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#surrogacy #surrogacyadventure #surrogacyislove #surrogacyisnotacrime #gestationalsurrogate #gestationalcarrier #surrogacysupport #surrogacyawareness #surrogacystories #surrogacycommunity #surrogacy #surrogacyjourney #surrogacyislove #surrogate #gestationalcarrier #intendedparents #intendedmother #intendedfather #surrogatemother #surrogacyrocks #proudsurrogate #surrogatebaby #surrolife #surromama #surrobaby #rainbowbaby #preeclampsia #postpartum #twodads #gestationalcarrier

The emotional toll of surrogacy is real. Surrogacy

The emotional toll of surrogacy is real. Surrogacy is different, without much of a precedent. We don't really know how to deal with so many of our emotions because we lack a role model or a society that helps us through it.

Here are some thoughts that I had during the journey and I'm willing to bet that many of you had some very similar ones. No matter where you are at during the journey, know that you are not alone. The process is hard, with some days worse than others. ❤️

#cancersurvivor #cancerwarrior #fightcancer #ovariancancer #heartdisease #autoimmunewarrior #hysterectomy #hysterectomyrecovery #mrkh #fibroids #adenomyosis #preeclampsia #infantloss #birthtrauma #stillbirth #pregnancyafterloss #stillborn #pregnancyloss #1in4 #miscarriagesurvivor #stillbornstillloved #babyloss #pcos #1in8 #ivfcommunity #ttctribe #infertilitywarrior #infertilityjourney #ivfjourney #ivf

*** estimated in 2019***

In California, 1st time surrogate compensation was $39,000 in 2019. Surrogates should expect an additional $5,000 - $10,000 in compensation for every completed surrogacy journey.

I visited the websites of and reached out to over 70 surrogacy agencies to gather these data back in 2019. It is important to know the going industry compensation rates for both surrogates and IPs. The lowest reported surrogate compensation I saw was $20,000.

Surrogacy agencies often talk about additional benefits that they provide, which is important. But it’s also important to benchmark so that IPs and especially surrogates are not taken advantage of.

In 2020-2021, there was a lot of talk about how compensation increased because of the surrogate shortage. Yup makes sense - demand and supply - econ 101. But as we move further along and life is slowly returning back to "normal", I think we can expect these compensation rates to go back to 2019 levels.

#surrogacy #surrogacyjourney #surrogacyislove #gestationalsurrogate #gestationalcarrier #surrogacysupport #surrogacyawareness #surrogacycommunity #surrogate #twodads #gestationalcarrier #kindness #bravotv #surrogacyjourney #fostercare #parentingtips #momlife #naturalbirth #doulasupport #eggdonation #surrogacyislove #surrogatemother #pregnantbelly #fostermom #fosterparent #militarywife #militarywifelife #sahmlife #sahmlifestyle #nicunurse

"How much does surrogacy cost?" More likely than n

"How much does surrogacy cost?" More likely than not, you've heard that you should budget for $150,000.

So what else could you get for $150,000? Here is a list of 8 things to help put surrogacy into perspective.

#surrogacy #surrogacyjourney #surrogacyislove #surrogate #gestationalcarrier #intendedmother #surrogatemother #surrogacyrocks #proudsurrogate #surrogatebaby #surromama #infertility #ivf #ivfjourney #ivfcommunity #ivftribe #trauma #cancersucks #hysterectomy #pregnancy #momlife #menhavingbabies #singledad #lovemakesafamily #gayfamily #husbands #lgbtfamily #twodads #raindbowfamily #gaydadsofinstagram

Surrogacy journeys can be surprisingly longer than

Surrogacy journeys can be surprisingly longer than most new surros expect and oftentimes there is a lot of waiting. You'll be waiting for your application to be reviewed (if you're working with an agency), waiting for a match (again, with an agency), waiting for your medical records to be sent over to the fertility clinic, waiting for said medical records to be reviewed, etc.

If you are going the independent route, there may be a little less waiting in the early days because you won't have an application process, and you'll match on your own. But you will still have the waiting game once you get to the fertility clinic portion.

Bottom line: there is A LOT of waiting in surrogacy, but in the end it is all SO worth it!

What was something that took way longer than you expected during your surrogacy journey? 👇

#surrogacy #surrogacyjourney #surrogacyislove #surrogate #gestationalcarrier #intendedparents #intendedmother #intendedfather #surrogatemother #surrogacyrocks #proudsurrogate #surrogatebaby #surrolife #surromama #surrobaby #rainbowbaby #birthstory #infertility #ivf #ivfjourney #ivfcommunity #ivftribe #infertilityawareness #trauma #cancersucks #hysterectomy #preeclampsia #postpartum #pregnancy #momlife

Our surrogate of the month for the month of May is

Our surrogate of the month for the month of May is Erika! Erika is a military wife, a mama with two kids, and has done THREE surrogacy journeys! She talks about what led her to surrogacy, what she loved about her surrogacy agency, her relationship with her surro babies, some advice she has for future surrogates and more! ❤️
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Swipe to read more about Erika's surrogacy story! 👉
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@adventures_in_surrogacy
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#surrogacyjourney #surrogacyadventure #surrogacyislove #surrogacyisnotacrime #gestationalsurrogate #gestationalcarrier #surrogacysupport #surrogacyawareness #surrogacystories #surrogacycommunity #surrogate #twodads #loveislove #gestationalcarrier #kindness #bravotv #surrogacyjourney #parentingtips #momlife #naturalbirth #doulasupport #eggdonation #surrogacyislove #surrogatemother #pregnantbelly #fostermom #fosterparent #militarywife #militarywifelife #sahmlife

From the outside, surrogacy might look like the ea

From the outside, surrogacy might look like the easy way to have a baby. With enough money, certainly anyone can have a baby, right?

Surrogacy is a lot more than just money. It's the financial strain that IPs feel when they have to pay agency fees, IVF cycles, legal fees, etc. It's the loss that they felt to get them to consider surrogacy in the first place. It's the patience and good luck it takes for them to find the right gestational carrier. And then it's about the uncertainty of the whole thing and confronting the ultimate question - "is it finally our turn for a baby?"

#menhavingbabies #singledad #gayfamily #husbands #lgbtfamily #twodads #gaydadsofinstagram #cancersurvivor #ovariancancer #heartdisease #autoimmunewarrior #hysterectomy #hysterectomysurvivor #mrkh #fibroids #ashermanssyndrome #diminishedovarianreserve #preeclampsia #infantloss #birthtrauma #stillbirth #pregnancyafterloss #pregnancyloss #1in4 #stillbornstillloved #babyloss #unexplainedinfertility #ivfcommunity #infertilityjourney #ivfjourney

https://www.creativefamilyconnections.com/us-surro

https://www.creativefamilyconnections.com/us-surrogacy-law-map/

I came across this map awhile ago and wanted to reshare! The link above is incredibly informative. You just click on a state and you'll learn more than you ever wanted about surrogacy laws in that state.

If you're interested in becoming a GC or looking for one, this map is a good place to start since it points you to states where GCs can legally exist. These will be the states you'll want your GC to live (basically anything green is good).

#surrogacy #surrogacyjourney #surrogacyislove #surrogate #gestationalcarrier #intendedparents #intendedmother #intendedfather #surrogatemother #surrogacyrocks #proudsurrogate #surrogatebaby #surrolife #surromama #surrobaby #rainbowbaby #birthstory #infertility #ivf #ivfjourney #ivfcommunity #ivftribe #infertilityawareness #trauma #gaydads #husbands #surrogacylaw #menhavingbabies #twodads #unitedstatesmap

There is no such thing as "set it and forget it" i

There is no such thing as "set it and forget it" in surrogacy. There is always worry. There is always guilt. And there's always a feeling that something bad is right around the corner, no matter how many obstacles you have overcome. Our path to surrogacy is paved with trauma and that history haunts us throughout the experience. While we want to let our feelings go and just hope for the best, it's not possible. Joining us on the train is our partner, our support system and of course our surrogate. We all feel the hope and fear along the ride and what's beautiful is that we experience them all together as one big team.

Sending you so much positive energy if you're on the part of the journey that is speeding down ❤️and if you're on the part of the journey that is trekking slowly uphill - take a moment to look at your surroundings and enjoy the view🌟

#surrogacy #surrogacyjourney #surrogacyislove #surrogate #gestationalcarrier #intendedparents #intendedmother #intendedfather #surrogatemother #surrogacyrocks #proudsurrogate #surrogatebaby #surrobaby #infertility #ivf #ivfjourney #ivfcommunity #ivftribe #cancersucks #hysterectomy #preeclampsia #menhavingbabies #singledad #lovemakesafamily #gayfamily #husbands #lgbtfamily #twodads #raindbowfamily #gaydadsofinstagram

Join us this Friday when we have the amazing honor

Join us this Friday when we have the amazing honor of interviewing the one and only Egg Whisperer, Dr. Aimee. Dr. Aimee is a fertility specialist residing in the San Francisco Bay Area and has been practicing for over 15 years. The following are the questions I plan to ask Dr. Aimee during our live:

1. During your tenure as an RE, have you seen any significant shifts in patients using a surrogate? For example, is it becoming more common or less common?
2. What kinds of patients tend to use a surrogate?
3. Are there any special protocols when it comes to using a surrogate? For example, is there something you recommend only to patients using a surrogate vs. not using a surrogate?
4. Surrogates must be medically cleared before proceeding. What's the most common reason for a surrogate to not pass clearance? Any tips for IPs and surrogates before medical clearance?
5. At what point do you suggest to IPs that it's time to think about surrogacy? Has that changed over the years? On one hand, I can see that more ART exists, so there are more things to try. On the other hand, surrogacy might be more common these days?
6. Where do you think the surrogacy industry is headed?
7. Is there any such thing as the perfect uterus?

Did I miss any surrogacy-related questions you'd like me to ask Dr. Aimee? If so, please comment below!

I've been celebrating Mother's Day since 2019. Mot

I've been celebrating Mother's Day since 2019. Mother's Day 2019, I was pregnant with our first son, Luca, and I was celebrating Mother's Day as a soon-to-be-mom. For Mother's Day 2020, I was celebrating as a Bereaved Mom because we lost Luca. By Mother's Day 2021, I was able to celebrate with my earth-side newborn baby, Enzo, delivered to us by our surrogate, Jennifer (@stlsurrogacy_journey).

For every single Mother's Day from here on out, I am reminded about who brought this honor to me. Another mother. A mother who loved her daughter so much that she wanted to make sure she could bring the same joy and love to another family. I get to celebrate this day with joy, rather than pain, because of surrogacy.

My journey in grief as a Bereaved Mother showed me the goodness in people that I had not noticed before. My journey in grief also allowed me to understand how powerful surrogacy is. Without my experience of loss, I don't think I could fully grasp the sacrifices that surrogates make to bring babies to this world. All surrogates are mothers and without them so many of us would not be.

#surrogacy #surrogacyjourney #surrogacyislove #surrogate #gestationalcarrier#intendedmother #surrogatemother #surrogatebaby #rainbowbaby #birthstory #ivfjourney #ivfcommunity #ivftribe #birthtrauma #mrkh #preeclampsia #mothersday2022 #mothersdaygift #bereavedmothersday #babyloss #lifeafterloss #grievingmother #bereavedmother #thebump #WTEBabies #griefjourney #intendedmother #mothersday #momsofinstagram

We think about the surrogacy agency, the surrogate

We think about the surrogacy agency, the surrogate compensation, and the medical insurance aspects of the journey, but there are some other things that might surprise you.
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If you haven't created embryos and you know you'll need a surrogate to complete your family, I *strongly* suggest that you interview different fertility clinics. They are not all the same and many charge different prices for different things. Ashley (<a class='bp-suggestions-mention' href='https://thebiggestask.com/members/surrogacyofhope/' rel='nofollow'>@surrogacyofhope</a>) randomly called clinics from Minnesota, Georgia, California, Florida, Tennessee and Oregon to ask how much a frozen embryo transfer to a gestational carrier would cost and the prices ranged from $3,000 to $18,000.
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Items 1-3 are things you can ask your fertility clinic. Items 4&5 are decided in the contract. Something interesting to note is that if the surrogate has a relatively higher paying job, the chances that her insurance covers her surrogate pregnancy are higher (which is great from a medical insurance perspective), but if something happens during the pregnancy and she can't work, her lost wages are also going to be higher. It can be a double-edged sword. Finally, item 6 comes after the contract is signed. Do you really need one? Stay tuned on a post about that as well 📝
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Did we miss anything? What expense surprised you the most during your surrogacy journey? Comment below 👇
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#surrogacy #surrogacycosts #surrogacyjourney #surrogacyislove #surrogate #gestationalcarrier #intendedmother #intendedfather #surrogatemother #surrogatebaby #surrolife #surromama #surrobaby #rainbowbaby #ivf #ivfjourney #ivfcommunity #ivftribe #cancersucks #hysterectomy #preeclampsia #menhavingbabies #singledad #lovemakesafamily #gayfamily #husbands #lgbtfamily #twodads #raindbowfamily #gaydadsofinstagram

Feature post from @threetales_onebaby:
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Intended Parents in same-sex relationships will often hear this question: "who is the father?"
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Honestly, this is an annoying topic, and does it really matter? We really think that family is not just about genetics but mostly about love. We all know the basis: an embryo requires a masculine and a feminine gamete, but to be an excellent parent has nothing to do with that. It is about the love and the values you will share with your child.
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As a gay couple, we can just say: WE ARE BOTH THE FATHERS. We will both love our kids the same way. Love is love.
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-A & J
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#menhavingbabies #singledad #lovemakesafamily #gayfamily #husbands #lgbtfamily #twodads #rainbowfamily #gaydadsofinstagram

Ever wonder if fresh or frozen embryo transfers wo

Ever wonder if fresh or frozen embryo transfers work better for gestational carriers? According to an article published in Fertility & Sterility in 2018, it appears as if fresh transfers work a tad bit better than frozen transfers when it comes to transferring to a gestational carrier for both embryos created using the intended mothers egg and donor eggs. Keep in mind that your clinic may have optimized processes for frozen transfers, so don't necessarily demand fresh transfers based on these statistics 🙂
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Underlying source article:
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Murugappan et a;. 2018, "Gestational carrier in assisted reproductive technology".
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#surrogacy #surrogacyjourney #surrogacyadventure #surrogacyislove #gestationalsurrogate #gestationalcarrier #surrogacysupport #surrogacyawareness #surrogacystories #surrogacycommunity #surrogate #intendedmother #intendedfather #ivf #ivfjourney #ivfcommunity #ivftribe #cancersucks #hysterectomy #preeclampsia #postpartum #pregnancy #momlife #gaydads #loveislove #menhavingbabies

Let's change the narrative surrounding surrogacy.

Let's change the narrative surrounding surrogacy. I'm not even talking about the negative narrative surrounding surrogacy - I am talking about the whole thing. People who support surrogacy tend to support surrogacy as a way to extend a family and agree that surrogates are angels on earth. But what if we could do more?

Surrogacy has been an immense interest of mine because I see so much potential for improvement and change. The surrogacy relationship is still on the fringe and many norms surrounding it have not been established. Here are some things that I notice about surrogacy through the popular press: 1) celebrities never mention their surrogate's name, 2) although they tend to recognize the incredible service surrogates have done, they don't talk about how their surrogate currently fits in with their life, and 3) they never talk about how they found their surrogate and/or how they maintained and developed that relationship. What if we started talking about these things? What if we could start setting the example that surrogates have names and that although the term surrogate suggests a "substitute" of some sort, they are a first class player in creating life.

There are so many different ways in which intended parents and surrogates interact with each other during a journey. It's interesting the choices people make when there are no norms. Do you choose to see surrogacy as a blessing and a journey to experience? or do you choose to see it as a means to an end? That choice affects the way you view your surrogate and the role she plays in your life. At this point, I don't think either choice is wrong, but I obviously favor one over the other 🙂 If we start talking about surrogacy as the blessing it is, I think we will start seeing more women wanting to help and deriving value from the choice that they are making to help a family, which in the end will make surrogacy more accessible to all. And isn't that something we all want?

#surrogacy #surrogacyislove #surrogacyjourney #intendedparents #intendedmom #intendeddad #surrogatestories #ivfjourney #lgbt #menhavingbabies #twodads #birthtrrauma #ivfjourney #gestationalcarrier

Are you thinking about becoming a surrogate for a

Are you thinking about becoming a surrogate for a family and are just starting the interview process? Does it feel overwhelming? Not only do you need to find the right agency for you (if you're using one), but you need to know how to evaluate them. Use this post as a guide.
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Did we miss anything? Comment below! 👇
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#surrogacy #surrogacyjourney #surrogacyislove #surrogacyisnotacrime #gestationalsurrogate #gestationalcarrier #surrogacysupport #surrogacyawareness #surrogacystories #surrogacycommunity #surrogate #twodads #loveislove #kindness #bravotv #fostercare #parentingtips #momlife #naturalbirth #doulasupport #eggdonation #surrogatemother #pregnantbelly #fostermom #fosterparent #militarywife #militarywifelife #sahmlife #sahmlifestyle #nicunurse

Something you see often when googling surrogacy is

Something you see often when googling surrogacy is that its traumatizing for the babies and the surrogate to part after the birth.

I can't speak for all surrogates, only myself, but I was not traumatized when the surro twins went home with their dad's. This may shock you, but I was HAPPY. I felt fulfilled, my heart was full. It was so beautiful to see those proud dad's head off to begin their lives with their perfect babies they had been dreaming about for so long. The happily ever after they hoped for was now real and I got to be a part of that. How could that traumatize me?

Another shocker: the babies weren't/aren't traumatized either. They are THRIVING. They have parents who love them and care for them, parents who wanted them SO badly they endured on a very long and expensive journey to bring them into this world.

Surrogacy is beautiful. Surrogacy made their family possible. Surrogacy didn't traumatize me, it changed my life in all good ways.❤️

#surrogacy #surrogacyjourney #surrogacyadventure #surrogacyisnotacrime #gestationalsurrogate #gestationalcarrier #surrogacysupport #surrogacyawareness #surrogacystories #surrogacycommunity #surrogate #twodads #loveislove #kindness #bravotv #fostercare #parentingtips #momlife #naturalbirth #doulasupport #eggdonation #surrogacyislove #pregnantbelly #fostermom #fosterparent #militarywife #militarywifelife #sahmlife #sahmlifestyle #nicunurse

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About The Biggest Ask

The Biggest Ask is a website dedicated to educating anyone interested in gestational surrogacy in the USA.

Have a question or a suggestion?

Please feel free to reach out to us at hello@thebiggestask.com