Sometimes You Read a Post That Stays With You
Guest post by Jenn, a gestational carrier who matched through The Biggest Ask community.
I had thought about helping someone build their family for a long time, even before I really knew exactly what that would look like. I considered everything from egg donation to surrogacy. I had experienced healthy, relatively easy pregnancies myself, and there was something about surrogacy that kept pulling me back.
One of the biggest things for me was that I didn't want it to feel transactional. If I was going to carry someone's baby, I wanted to know them. I wanted to be close with my intended parent or parents, know their family, and have them genuinely be a part of the pregnancy. I wanted it to be personal. I think even from the beginning, I knew the relationship would be just as important to me as the surrogacy itself.
That was what led me to Laura, my first intended parent. I found her through The Biggest Ask community, before TBA even had the matching programs that exist today. I remember reading Laura's post and feeling so compelled by her story. Something about it stayed with me, and I knew I needed to reach out.
We didn't immediately decide, "Okay, we're matched!" We took time to get to know each other first, which was really important to both of us. I wasn't just looking for someone who needed a surrogate, and she wasn't just looking for someone willing to carry. We wanted to make sure there was a genuine connection and that this felt right for both of us.
That journey eventually brought a healthy baby boy, David, into the world. After his delivery, I truly thought my surrogacy journey was complete. I had done this incredible thing, helped build a family, and felt like that chapter of my life had come to a beautiful end.
Apparently, I just needed to stop following The Biggest Ask's website, because boy was I wrong lol!
Years later, I saw Juli and Bri's post.
And I felt the exact same pull.
There was something about their story, the heartache they had experienced on their path to becoming moms, everything they had gone through, and how badly they wanted this, that I couldn't shake. I kept thinking about them long after I had read their post.
This time, though, I didn't immediately reach out. I really took time to process what I was feeling because I understood what saying yes to another journey would mean. I knew that while I was taking that time, they could very easily match with another gestational carrier. And I had to be okay with that.
But eventually, just like I had with Laura, I realized I needed to trust my intuition. I needed to trust the timing of it all and at least reach out.
So I did.
And even then, we didn't rush into officially matching. We spent several months talking and building a relationship first. Over that time, I became genuinely good friends with both Juli and Bri. It stopped feeling like three people trying to determine whether we were compatible for a surrogacy journey and started feeling like a relationship that was naturally becoming part of our lives.
That was really important to me because it was exactly what I had hoped for when I first considered surrogacy all those years ago. I wanted to carry for people I genuinely cared about. I wanted to be invested in their family beyond simply being the person carrying their baby.
And now somehow that decision to send one message has led to me carrying TWO babies for them!
Finding out both embryos stuck was definitely a "wait... BOTH?!" moment. I had gone into another journey knowing what surrogacy and pregnancy were like, but apparently this journey decided I needed an entirely new experience!
There is something really special about looking back and realizing that TBA has now been part of two completely different chapters of my life. The first time, it was a community where I happened to find Laura before a formal matching program even existed. That connection led to David.
Years later, I was still following along, saw Juli and Bri, felt that same inexplicable pull I had felt before, and ended up back here again, this time through the community and program that TBA had grown into, carrying twin girls for two women who had become my friends.
I think if there is one thing both journeys have taught me, it's to trust connection and timing.
For me, surrogacy has never just been about being pregnant for someone. Pregnancy is obviously a huge part of it, but the relationship has always mattered just as much. It's getting to know the people whose family you're helping build, watching them become parents, and getting to experience something incredibly vulnerable and meaningful alongside them.
If I were talking to someone scrolling through the intended parent posts wondering whether their person is actually out there, I would tell them not to rush it. Read the stories. Talk to people. Ask questions. Take the time to build a relationship and pay attention to the connections that stay with you.
One of the most incredible parts of surrogacy for me is being invited into such an intimate and meaningful chapter of these women's lives, and ultimately, their babies' lives too. It's hard to even put into words what an honor that is. These relationships don't just end for me when the pregnancy or delivery is over. I genuinely cherish the friendships and connections that have come from both of my journeys. David is now 2 years old, and I'm still a part of his life and get to watch him grow, which is so incredibly special to me. And now, knowing that I get to share that same kind of bond with Juli and Bri while we wait for their girls to arrive makes this journey even more meaningful. These babies will always hold such a special place in my heart, but so will the women who trusted me to help bring them into the world.
Sometimes you read a post and keep scrolling.
And sometimes you read one that you're still thinking about days later.
Both times for me, I had to trust that feeling.
And apparently, if I ever decide after this that I'm officially done with surrogacy, someone should probably make me unfollow The Biggest Ask first, lol!
Jenn