The Story Behind The Biggest Ask

The Biggest Ask didn't begin because someone looked at surrogacy and thought it seemed like a good business opportunity.

It began because our founder, MaryJane, was living it.

MJ came to surrogacy the way many intended parents do: not by choice, but because the path she'd hoped to take was no longer safe. After carrying her first son, Luca, she faced serious medical complications and was advised that another pregnancy carried significant risk. Luca was delivered by emergency c-section at 25 weeks and passed away after two weeks in the NICU. When she and her husband decided they still wanted to grow their family, the doctors were clear: a second pregnancy would mean crossing fingers and hoping to reach 32 weeks. That wasn't good enough for them.

So they turned to surrogacy.

And they quickly discovered how hard it was to find real information.

What was missing

There were resources that outlined the general steps. What was harder to find were honest conversations about what those steps actually felt like. There were beautiful birth announcements and success stories everywhere, but far fewer people discussing the waiting, the financial realities, the difficult decisions, and the emotional weight that filled the space between those milestone moments.

There were also important conversations missing about the women who become gestational carriers, their experiences, their families, what they give up, and what kind of support they deserve throughout the process.

MJ wanted to help fill those gaps. While moving through her own first surrogacy journey as an intended parent, she started The Biggest Ask as an educational space on Instagram. She shared what she was personally experiencing and learning. She talked openly about the process as she moved through it. She highlighted gestational carriers and made room for the honest questions, the hard truths, and the parts of surrogacy that weren't getting a lot of airtime anywhere else.

What started as one intended parent documenting her journey began to become a community.

Bringing both perspectives together

As The Biggest Ask grew, MJ recruited me, Ashley, to help build what the space could become.

At the time, I had just completed my first journey as a gestational carrier, carrying twins for another family. I knew surrogacy from a completely different position. I understood what it felt like to decide whether becoming a GC was right for me, to bring my spouse and family into that decision, to take the medications, attend the appointments, and work at building trust with intended parents. I knew the physical experience of carrying babies who were deeply loved by another family, and the weight of knowing how much hope was wrapped around every update I shared.

I would eventually become a two-time gestational carrier. But when MJ and I first connected, we were simply bringing together two first-journey perspectives: hers as an intended parent and mine as a GC.

That combination became something important to TBA.

Surrogacy looks very different depending on where you're standing. Intended parents may be carrying years of infertility, loss, medical trauma, and financial pressure. A GC is accepting the physical demands and risks of pregnancy while thinking through how the journey will affect her health, her partner, her kids, her work, and her daily life. Neither perspective tells the whole story on its own. Bringing them together helped us create education and support that recognized what everyone involved was actually carrying.

Why the name matters

Surrogacy begins with one of the biggest things one person can ever ask of another.

Will you help us build our family?

That question is where the name came from.

It reflects the enormous commitment a gestational carrier is considering. But it also reflects the vulnerability involved in asking. Intended parents often arrive at surrogacy after their original path to parenthood has already changed in painful and unexpected ways. Asking another person to help them have a child can carry hope, grief, fear, and gratitude all at the same time.

That ask deserves care. It deserves informed consent, honest expectations, independent legal representation, medical oversight, and enough time for everyone to decide whether a match truly feels right. It deserves respect for a GC's health, her autonomy, her family, and her boundaries. And it deserves respect for the enormous emotional and financial investment intended parents have often already made before a GC enters the picture.

The name has always been a reminder of the weight carried on both sides.

Gratitude matters, but gratitude alone is not protection. Kind intentions matter, but they don't replace preparation. A genuine relationship matters, and it still needs clear boundaries, thoughtful contracts, and honest communication to hold up through the hard parts.

From an educational space to journey support

As the TBA community grew, so did our understanding of what people actually needed.

Education stayed at the center of what we were doing. But we also kept seeing how often people needed support applying that information to their own specific journeys. They needed somewhere to bring the awkward question before it became a conflict. They needed help understanding what was happening when a clinic requested another record, a screening process stalled, or a contract term felt uncomfortable. They needed someone in their corner when communication shifted, when a transfer failed, when a pregnancy brought unexpected news, or when everyone was preparing for a birth that would be emotional in very different ways.

Matching mattered. But we knew that support couldn't end the moment two people said yes to each other.

We wanted to build something where people didn't feel like profiles moving through a checklist. We wanted both the GC and the intended parents to know that someone was paying attention to the details, explaining the next steps, and helping them through difficult moments without automatically taking one side over the other.

The Biggest Ask eventually grew from an Instagram education page into the program it is today. But the purpose behind it never changed.

Growing through real journeys

TBA has never claimed to get everything right every time.

We've grown because we've been willing to look honestly at what worked, what didn't, and what needed to change. Our policies have evolved. Our resources have expanded. Our understanding of matching, communication, pregnancy, and postpartum support has gotten more detailed because real people and real journeys have taught us things no handbook could.

Being shaped by both an intended-parent perspective and a gestational-carrier perspective doesn't mean we think every journey should look like ours. It's actually taught us the opposite. Every GC, intended parent, family, clinic, and relationship brings something different to the process. Some matches become lifelong friendships. Others stay caring and respectful without becoming deeply personal. Some journeys move smoothly, and others run into failed transfers, pregnancy loss, medical complications, or changes nobody anticipated.

Good support has to make room for all of that.

Why we still do this work

There are easier industries to be in.

Surrogacy carries medical uncertainty, legal complexity, financial pressure, and deeply personal emotions. Plans change. People get hurt. Sometimes everyone acts thoughtfully and the outcome still isn't what they hoped for.

We continue because this work matters.

We see intended parents who've endured years of infertility take a cautious first step toward hope. We see women offer something extraordinary while advocating for themselves and their families. We see matches become teams, strangers learn to trust each other, and families form in ways that once felt impossible.

We also see the value of steady support when things aren't celebratory. Being present after a failed transfer, a miscarriage, or a difficult medical decision is just as much a part of this work as celebrating a heartbeat. Helping someone communicate through fear matters. Making room for a GC's boundaries matters. Telling an intended parent the truth, even when it isn't what they hoped to hear, matters.

The Biggest Ask started with MJ, an intended parent searching for honest information and choosing to share her journey openly. It grew when she invited me, a first-time gestational carrier, to bring another lived perspective into that space. It's continued because of every gestational carrier, intended parent, spouse, professional, and family who has trusted us with part of their story.

What started with the two of us has grown into a team of coordinators and staff who bring their own experience, knowledge, and genuine care to this work. TBA wouldn't be what it is today without the people who show up for our families during both the exciting milestones and the incredibly hard moments.

We've never wanted to become so focused on processes that we forget the people inside them. This is one of the biggest things a person can ask of another. It's one of the biggest commitments another person can offer. TBA was built to respect both sides of that.

We haven't taken either side lightly. We won't.

Key Takeaways

The Biggest Ask was founded by MJ Rabier, an intended parent who came to surrogacy after a devastating personal loss and found the honest education she needed didn't exist yet.
TBA was built from two lived perspectives: an intended parent's and a gestational carrier's, and that dual foundation shapes how we support every journey.
The name reflects both the enormous ask that surrogacy places on a GC and the vulnerability intended parents carry when they reach out for help.
Good surrogacy support doesn't take sides. It holds room for every person involved and doesn't let process replace people.
TBA has grown because real journeys, including difficult ones, have shaped how we show up for the families who trust us.

If you'd like to learn more about how we support gestational carriers and intended parents through every stage of the journey, visit our services page or reach out directly. We're always happy to answer your questions.